Nothing to round out a news-filled week like a long list of liberal/democrat funny ha ha’s you can bust out at your next social gathering (make sure you have some conservative backup in the room – oh wait, it wouldn’t matter anyway, when liberals get mad they hug trees and smoke doobies).

Enjoy!

55 Funny Liberal/Democrat Jokes To Start Your Day

1. Q: What do you get when you offer a Liberal a penny for his thoughts?
A: Change.

2. Q: How do you confuse a Liberal?
A: You don’t. They’re born that way.

3. Q: Why is it good to have a Democrat passenger?
A: You can park in the handicap zone.

4. Q: What’s the difference between Elvis and a smart Liberal?
A: Elvis has been sighted.

5. A Democrat died and a friend went around collecting for a fund for his funeral. A woman was asked to donate ten dollars.
“Ten dollars?” she said. “It only takes ten dollars to bury a Democrat? Here’s a hundred – go bury 10 of them!”

6. Q: How do you keep a Democrat busy?
A: Write ‘Please turn over’ on both sides of a piece of paper.

7. Q: How do you keep a Liberal busy all day?
A: Put him in a round room and tell him to wait in the corner.

8. Q: What do you call a Democrat with an IQ of 130?
A: A foursome

9. Q: How do you get a one-armed Liberal out of a tree?
A: Wave to him.

10. Q: What do you call a basement full of Liberals?
A: A whine cellar.

11. Q: What is the definition of gross ignorance?
A: 144 Democrats.

12. Q: What is foreplay for a Democrat?
A: Thirty minutes of begging.

13. Q: What is the Democrat doing when he holds his hands tightly over his ears?
A: Trying to hold on to a thought.

14. Q: Why did the Liberal have blisters on his lips?
A: From trying to blow out lightbulbs.

15. Q: Why do Liberals work seven days a week?
A: So you don’t have to retrain them on Monday.

16. A Democrat found a magic genie’s lamp and rubbed it. The genie said, “I will grant you one wish.” He said, “I wish I were smarter”. So the genie made him a Republican.

17. Q: What the difference between a Democrat and the rear end of a horse?
A: I don’t know either.

18. Q: How is a Liberal different from a sewer rat?
A: Some people actually like sewer rats.

19. Q: How many Democrats does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They prefer to walk in the dark.

20. Q: Why do so many Liberals live in L.A.?
A: It’s the only city that is easy enough for them to spell.

21. Q: What’s five miles long and has an IQ of forty?
A: A Democrat parade.

22. Q: What is it called when a Liberal blows in another Liberal’s ear?
A: Data transfer.

23. Q: Why don’t they let Liberals swim in the ocean?
A: Because they can’t get the smell out of the tuna.

24. Q: How do you plant dope?
A: Bury a Democrat.

25. Q: What’s the difference between a Liberal and a sack of manure?
A: The sack.

26. Q: What’s the definition of a Democrat running for Congress for the first time?
A: A mouse trying to become a rat.

27. Q: What’s the difference between God and a Democrat?
A: God knows He’s not a Democrat.

28. Q: What’s the difference between an Iraq terrorist and a liberal?
A: The Iraq terrorist makes fewer demands.

29. Q: What’s the difference between liberals and cow pies?
A: Cow pies stop stinking after awhile

30. Q: Did you hear about the new liberal agenda.
A: They got two hands in your front pocket and two in you back pockets.

31. Q: What’s the definition of a liberal genius?
A: A liberal who can count all 50 states.

32. Q: What do you get when you cross a Jackass with an onion?
A: A whinny Liberal.

33. Q: How is being at a Democrat convention different from being at the circus?
A: At the circus the clowns don’t beg and whine at you.

34. Q: How many Liberals does it take to change a light bulb?
A: It takes ten, nine to deny that darkness exists and one to hire a Republican to change it.

35. Q: How much does a Liberal cost?
A: Nothing, Liberals have no values.

36. Q: How many chromosomes does a Liberal have?
A: Only 45, they are missing the “Truth Acceptance Chromosome.”

37. Q: What is the difference between Liberalism and Communism?
A: The Communist admit it.

38. Q: How high can a Liberal’s I-Q go?
A: Only as high as the Liberal Spin they receive.

39. Q: Why do Liberals lie?
A: It comes natural

40. Q: What is a Liberal’s primary “feeling?”
A: Envy.

41. Q: What is a sure way to teach a Liberal to fetch?
A: Tie Obama’s picture to a stick and throw it.

42. Q: Why do flies fly over Liberals heads?
A: They have crap for brains.

43. Q: How can you tell a group of Liberals?
A: They are the ones burning the American Flag.

44. Q: How can you tell a group of Liberals?
A: They are the ones burning the Constitution

45. Q: What is the difference between a Liberal and a bucket of old cheese?
A: The bucket

46. Q: What is the difference between giving to the poor and giving to Liberals?
A: The poor don’t follow you around for three weeks whining for more.

47. Q: Why did God make Liberal smarter than rats?
A: He didn’t.

48. Q: How do you drown a Liberal?
A: You paint Obama’s face at the bottom of a pool.

49. Q: Why do Liberals like smart women?
A: Opposites attract.

50. Q: Why is it so hard for Liberals to make eye contact?
A: Obama’s rear doesn’t have eyes.

51. Q: Why is it so hard for Liberals to see?
A: There are no lights in Pelosi’s rear.

52. Q: How can you tell between cow pies and Liberals?
A: You Can’t.

53. Q: What’s the difference between a Democrat and a trampoline?
A: You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.

54. What do you call 10,000 liberals at the bottom of the ocean?
A: A GOOD START!!!

55. Q: If Hillary, Obama, Pelosi and all the liberals are on a sinking ship, who gets saved?
A: We do.